Excuse Me, I Just Tripped Over My Own Assumptions

Today, I write a few friends:

I began this day with a question, one admittedly based on an assumption.

I wondered whether it was true that many to most masculine-ID'd individuals consider themselves protective of femmes.

My assumption/bias has been that yes, they do.

Then I have to wonder whether that's only applicable to lovers and partners. I do know many AGs, butches, etc., who are chivalrous toward all femmes . . . at least in social situations.

Next, I consider the professional realm. Does the protectiveness extend to a femme acting in a professional capacity? That's been my experience, but things are changing.

And, finally, the reason I'm whining: does a camera make me a threat?

I'm noting that masculine-ID'd individuals are suddenly much more concerned about their own shyness, vulnerabilities, and such, than considering whether I am putting myself at risk, in agreeing to photograph strangers, either in unfamiliar locations, or in my own home.

My last thought was: "I thought they would be different than men. Guess I was wrong."

And what I think about bio men relative to my experience of safety is not always so happy, believe me.

Is there one or more errors in my logic, here?

A Whiny, Foot-Stomping Femme *s


One sweet, chivalrous butch responds to tell me that most butches are protective of femmes in general, not just in private or social situations.

But I don't see the truth of that, at the moment . . . excepting with that particular butch (to whom I send out a great happy wave and a smile).

In many instances, however, this project is bringing to the fore a great deal of intensity about privacy.

Part of my job, yes, is to offer the most professional assurance I can that all matters will be handled in such a way as to provide for the safety and concerns of each participant.

The guidelines for participation do detail my needs for clear communication between myself and those with whom I'm working, and that all collaboration leads to a project that is positively effective for everyone involved.

What surprises me is that I'm so often told talking with me is phenomenally easy, and I'm now finding my questions to participants are somehow troubling the waters.

A wise friend says, "Focus on those with whom there's a good fit. That's going to make for the best project outcome. Don't worry about the rest."

Have I mentioned I fret over just about everything?

Today, I have learned that project participants are allowing me views of aspects of themselves many wouldn't ordinarily see. I'm honored by that.

Things will settle into a natural groove.

As soon as I dust myself off from tripping over those damned assumptions *s


~Emmanuela