What I Want From You

Now that I've updated my changing availability and rambled a bit about my personal life (pero nadie sabe lo que hay en la jolla menos la cocinera, no? *s), I'd like to get down to some details about the Claiming Masculinity project, for everyone who would like to be involved.

Firstly, I have to thank Dre and Renair for the efforts they've made to get out the word on this. I'm coming into contact with some incredible individuals, and forming friendships as well as a portfolio. You both have my abiding gratitude.

I'm thinking that, as the project continues, I'm going to need to change it up some, in terms of the kind of work I've been doing with participants.

This thing started several years ago, when I was photographing lovers and friends, valuing the uniqueness in style, presentation, and personality.

Because I was singularly working with first-time models, my primary goal was to create an atmosphere of comfort for each individual. I didn't use professional backdrops, lighting, or even a large, intrusive camera, out of respect for those who had for so long felt uncomfortable being seen. My goal was to show them as I saw them, rather than creating stylized photographs.

This project is receiving a great deal of attention, however. The interest from participants alone completely overwhelmed me, at first. Who knew. Now, there are queries from more professional venues, asking to be kept apprised of how the project develops.

I've said from the beginning that this is a collaborative effort. I want to show you the way you want to be seen, and I want the work to be a positive experience for everyone involved.

And what I want is to start implementing more of the professional tools that will ultimately show both you and me in the best light.

Now, don't get nervous on me. Take a breath. Think about the context: this is uncharted territory; we're working together to represent something new; we might as well strive to make each session the best we can.

Some of the sessions can still be snapshots, sure. I like a dose of reality. But the art monkey beckons, and I must heed its call. I'm eager to get back to artistry in my work.

I'm going to ask that many of you come to me with a preparedness for a level of professionalism you'll see in a lot of my online work. No, that does not mean anyone has to pose nude, if that's not what you have in mind *s I'm just really looking for those participants who can take instruction from a photographer; repeat the same pose more than once; and generally be treated like a professional model.

For those of you who are really creative, I'm inviting you to really move into that sense of freedom and expansion, when posing for me. Let's go a little wild *s

It's also going to be important that sessions not be canceled without very good cause. Yesterday, a photographer told me, "Let them cancel twice, then tell them they're out of the project." Okay, I'm gonna have to think on that one, but please keep in mind that it's important for each of us to conduct ourselves professionally.

This is your opportunity to shine.

I hope you'll take it.

~Emmanuela

Order of Things

Is it wrong to love a thing? To feel titillation at the prospect of possession, and the absolute thrill of intensity at receiving a mere object?

If so, call me damned *s

Shoes are captivating, naturally. A pair of black leather peep-toe pumps with six-inch heels and sinfully red soles garnered my instant devotion, as a birthday gift to myself.

And this girl does enjoy her cosmetics. My 14-year-old daughter gave me another wonderful kit from Bare Escentuals, replete with an adorable card, and that high-contrast Sephora gift box. Yum.

For a photographer, though, nothing beats the gift of greater clarity in vision. And the Nikon D40 SLRs are just so very much the absolute zenith of desire.

Upon consideration of the matter, I offer the following poem by Molly Peacock. If you know me at all, you're already inundated with my love of poetry *s

To wit . . .

I love desire, the state of want and thought
of how to get; building a kingdom in a soul
requires desire. I love the things I've sought—
you in your beltless bathrobe, tongues of cash that loll
from my billfold—and love what I want: clothes,
houses, redemption. Can a new mauve suit
equal God? Oh no, desire is ranked. To lose
a loved pen is not like losing faith. Acute
desire for nut gateau is driven out by death,
but the cake on its plate has meaning,
even when love is endangered and nothing matters.
For my mother, health; for my sister, bereft,
wholeness. But why is desire suffering?
Because want leaves a world in tatters?
How else but in tatters should a world be?
A columned porch set high above a lake.
Here, take my money. A loved face in agony,
the spirit gone. Here, use my rags of love.


--Molly Peacock, "Why I Am Not a Buddhist"


So I have the camera. And thus I am deeply pleased.

Won't you look better through my lens, now? And you? Ah, and you . . .

Desire, yes. In balance.


~Emmanuela